And instead, to pretend like they’re not there.

We’re conditioned through years of experience not to see or acknowledge them. But our instinct with difficult emotions is denial and avoidance. If the main obstacle to having difficult conversations is your own emotions, then you need to know what they are and how they show up. Identify all the difficult emotions at play If you want to stop avoiding difficult conversations and become more confident having them-no matter how tough-you must learn to identify and manage your own emotions first.ġ. Are you avoiding that conversation with your wife about money because she can’t handle the bad news? Or are you avoiding it because you don’t want to experience the shame and guilt of admitting a huge mistake?.Do your conversations with your son about college always end up in arguments because he’s just unreasonable? Or do they escalate because you mask your insecurity about him not having a good career with anger, which understandably makes him feel judged and attacked?.Are you avoiding giving your coworker negative feedback because you don’t know how or don’t have the right skills? Or are you avoiding it because you’re anxious about them thinking badly of you afterward?.We’re not very good at managing our own difficult emotions. In my experience, there’s one huge elephant in the room that causes most of our trouble having difficult conversations. But is learning to sandwich negative criticism in between two positives really the answer to your chronic avoidance of difficult conversations? Sure, conversations might be somewhat easier if you had more communication skills.Sure, conversations would be easier if your wife never got upset when you made mistakes.If only she didn’t get so angry and defensive when we talked about money…īut the truth is these are mostly excuses… If only I had better tools for communicating more effectively… Typically, we blame our avoidance on a few common culprits: You know you need to talk to your spouse about that money you lost in the market but you keep avoiding bringing it up….

Every time you talk to your child about applying for college it turns into a huge argument….You have to give your coworker some negative feedback but you keep procrastinating on it….Why is it that some conversations are just so hard to have?

Tough conversations